Why The Quest To Get Skinny Isn’t Worth It
I used to think that being skinny was so alluring. I loved seeing my rib cage in the mirror and it made me feel so proud to have achieved that look. I thought that in order to be loved and accepted I needed to do these horrifying things to my body. Do you think it is only me who believed these lies? It is estimated that around 30 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime.
My Story
I don’t like to share my story, not because I am embarrassed, but because I have been set free and I like to walk in my new life. However, I know that sharing our stories is powerful if we want to see others set free from the wrong misconceptions they believe about food.
I was away in Boston at college when I started restricting my food. After puberty, I always stayed around 110-115 pounds eating what I wanted and never paying attention to the scale. When I went away to college, I began to hang around in some bad circles. I witnessed some disordered eating habits frequently and I think subconsciously those habits started to take root within me.
Illness And Life Spinning Out Of Control
A bad kidney infection one semester caused me to lose some weight, going from a healthy 115 down to 105 pounds. I got so much positive attention from my friends for the weight loss and I was complimented on my slim figure. This validated something in my brain that getting as skinny as possible would make me be accepted.
During this time, I was also in a very tumultuous relationship. You think you know everything at 20 years old, but I was clueless. I think this relationship further fueled my eating disorder as restricting food was a way for me to control something when I felt like everything else was out of control. I stayed with this person for 5 years of my life before breaking away from the relationship.
Far From Over
After ending the relationship, I moved to Seattle to cut all ties from my old life and have a fresh start. My sister, brother-in-law, and new baby niece were living out there at the time and they graciously found me an apartment to rent in their building and allowed me into their lives. I will always be forever grateful for this much needed time of healing and quality time, getting to be a part of my baby niece’s life.
I thought that being with family would make it all go away, but looking back, I think the stress of leaving a bad relationship and moving across the country caused a new issue…bulimia. I would go to the local supermarket in the evening and buy 2 gallons of ice cream and eat them both in one sitting. I would then force myself to throw up the ice cream and sit alone hating myself.
Call For Help
The anorexia and bulimia continued for months and during that time and I lost my period. This is called amenorrhea and it is a common symptom when your body goes into an extreme calorie deficit such as with anorexia. Long term consequences of amenorrhea include low estrogen, decreased chance of conception, osteoporosis, and cardiovascular disease. While this concerned me, I kept right on doing what I was doing.
It all changed one night babysitting my niece. I used to babysit while my sister was in grad school in the evenings. These are some of the most precious moments I have with my niece. Date nights to Mod pizza and Yogurtland, trips to the Disneystore, and playground fun. They are also some of the most painful memories I have.
One particular evening babysitting, something triggered an all-out binge. I remember eating a couple of animal crackers from the Costco size container. That led to more handfuls and more until nearly the whole bin was gone. I felt so terrible and quickly ran to the bathroom to vomit. The door was left ajar, and as I was keeled over the toilet vomiting, my sweet baby niece walked in.
I began crying and hated that she saw me like this. At a moment so low, so weak, that I knew then and there I had to tell my family and seek help.
On The Other Side
It wasn’t an overnight process to find healing, and it took a team of help and a whole lot of good friends and family to hold me accountable to be set free of my anorexia and bulimia.
I worked with a dietitian who literally helped me relearn how to eat again. Learning from the ground up why my body needs fat, protein, and carbohydrates to survive. Going from being deathly afraid of peanut butter and nut butters due to their fat content to smearing it on toast and loving it.
It was only around 2014 when I was really set free from the thoughts, the lies, the shame, the unforgiveness with myself. This was the last piece in my journey to finding my FOOD FREEDOM.
A Dream Was Born
At the end of 2014, I moved back to New York and I had the most amazing opportunity to move downtown in NYC with my good friend. A dream was born during that time. Like never before the desire to go back to school to obtain my master’s degree in nutrition and do for others what my dietitian did for me came about. I would attend information sessions at colleges, get intimidated, and back off.
In 2016, after marrying the most incredible man (that’s a story for another time lol), the desire came back. I remember the day after our wedding we took some of my husband’s college friends visiting from London into the city to tour them around. At one point, the friend asked me what I wanted to do or what my passion was. My husband so sweetly interjected on the conversation and said that his wife was going back to school to become a dietitian and start her own nutrition business. I nearly fell off my chair, talk about pressure!! But pressure in a good way!!
Living The Dream
Over the following years, I went back to school to fulfill my prerequisites for a master’s program, was accepted into the master’s program, graduated with honors, completed my dietetic internship, passed the registered dietitian exam, and formed my nutrition business!!!
Life Restored
My biggest fear after being healed from an eating disorder was that I would not be able to have children. After all the damage from losing my period for over a year, I thought no way, not me.
Well, in 2018 after only two tries I got pregnant!! I had the healthiest pregnancy and natural child birthing experience. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy who is my greatest joy. I can’t wait to share my story with my son one day and encourage him to follow his dreams no matter what.
My Passion Is Setting Others Free!
There will always be haters out there saying you can’t do things…but you can do all things!! Be encouraged and know that your dreams can be made a reality too.
That is why I made it my mission in life to set other captives free from their issues with food. I want to see everyone nourish their bodies and see the fruits of it through good health and long lives.
Welcome to My Fruitful Body Nutrition!
