Surviving the Transition to Two Kids: Tips for Parents Bringing Home Baby #2

Big brother, Winston, meeting his new baby sister for the first time!

Fun fact: Winston’s birthday is June 25th and Ellie’s birthday is June 21st!

I don't know if it's because my sweet baby's first birthday is fast approaching, but it has me doing some serious reflection over the past year. Going from one to two children was a HUGE adjustment. There were certain things we expected, like the older sibling adjusting to not being an only child, but there were other things that were unexpected. Here are some things I have learned along the way.

Set Boundaries: House Rules

My main focus once baby #2 came along was making sure my son, Winston, felt included, loved, and cared for. I went to the extreme, thinking that meant giving in to whatever he wanted to show him how much I loved him. This actually backfired, as not having loving boundaries caused him to act out for the first few months the new baby was home.

One particularly hard day, after being told that I'm mean and that Winston hates me, I was near tears when a friend texted at that moment. She is a social worker and said, "give me a quick call." That one-hour phone call was such a blessing! She discussed some ideas to try at home with Winston, and one of them was to set boundaries or house rules.

The next day, Winston and I got out construction paper and we came up with a family team name. He named us "Team Us," and then we created five super simple house rules that everyone, not just Winston, should follow. Ours include things like: use kind words, save the whining, use your words, and keep our hands (and feet) to ourselves. Having a clear set of boundaries worked wonders for all of us.

Constant Communication

Going into baby #2, both my partner and I knew that communication can suffer when bringing home a new baby. With our son, we were tired and stressed, which led to being snippy with each other at times. We decided to tighten up in this area before adding another little one to the mix and read this book together.

This helped us to understand how to "fight fair" and even make practical lists of who is responsible for what so there are no misunderstandings. We still have our snippy moments, but most are laughable at this point, with one of us saying, "uh-oh, somebody needs some quiet time or someone missed their coffee fix," and we move on.

Special Time

Another awesome tip we learned from many of our friends who have multiple children was to always make time, even if it's just 5 minutes, to give each child your undivided attention. Some call this special time or quality time. It should be called something so that your child knows this is their time alone with a parent.

Let your kiddo pick exactly what they want to do during special time, and then you, as the parent, must give them your undivided attention (ditch the phone!) to build Legos, play hide and seek, read books, or whatever non-tech thing your kiddo wants to do. It can be as short as 5 minutes or up to 15 minutes, but this is another technique that usually nips any "undesirable" behavior in the bud since most kids start acting out when they crave quality time.

Be Silly

A crazy concept that initially, I couldn't grasp! This technique involves being silly when your child starts acting out. At first, I had a very hard time deciding to make silly faces versus screaming into my pillow when my son busted into my room at 5am demanding to watch a show (um no thank you!).

With time (and a lot of patience), I was able to embrace the concept. Now, ~85% of the time when I see my son starting to get upset, I will try to get playful, do a silly voice, or go hide and start a game. Most of the time, he completely forgets what he was upset about and goes right into play mode.

Plan Ahead

What I have learned going from 1 to 2 kids is that there's no more "on a whim." We have to have a plan and a schedule for everything (I mean everything), otherwise, something is falling through the cracks.

For example, Winston and his dad made up a schedule of events using pictures and words to show him step-by-step what Winston needs to do in his day. From getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, etc., it's all outlined.

For me, it's sacrificing 30 minutes of sleep to wake by 6am, quickly get ready, and head downstairs to start making breakfast and meal prepping dinners. Everything we do essentially has a system or a reminder to ensure our ship doesn't go down.

Be Present

Lastly, I have learned to be in the moment. Instead of worrying about tomorrow or next month, I try to throw my phone across the room and just be present with my family. As the saying goes, "The days are long, but the years are short." I certainly don't want to look back and only have memories of mom over in the corner, biting her nails, stressing over some insignificant thing.

So, make a point every day to be in the moment and count your blessings to have the privilege and the honor to be entrusted to raise the next generation of amazing people.

Happy 1st Birthday, Eloise aka Ellie :)